


our relationship is a building and we have work to do

by unsink



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, M/M, Miya Atsumu Needs a Hug, Not Beta Read, POV Miya Atsumu, Post-Break Up, author keeps forgetting sakusa is taller, but only from omi, kiyoomi has neurotic tendencies, no beta bec ppl r busy, sakuatsu are dating while kiyoomi is in college
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29378598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsink/pseuds/unsink
Summary: Atsumu and Kiyoomi break up after an 18-month relationship. Atsumu has some regrets.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 86





	our relationship is a building and we have work to do

**Author's Note:**

> sakuatsu nation pls accept my humble offering

“Miya-san, you can date anyone you want! Anyone!”

Inunaki’s drunken announcement jolts Atsumu out of his own head. He had been staring at the table for a good few minutes now, feeling his brain go fuzzy.

“So don’t look so down!” Inunaki drawls on, draping an arm over Barnes, who looks mildly annoyed but also drunk.

Atsumu keeps a chuckle to himself at Inunaki’s antics. He doesn’t bother to dwell on the fact that he has probably looked down all night. Instead, he mentally gives himself a pep talk so he can grin and say, “Yeah, of course I can!” His teammates cheer at that and Atsumu does his best to keep up with their laughter and bad jokes to keep his mind from straying.

Bokuto catches his eyes from across the table and mouths, “Are you okay?”

Atsumu only gives him a wide grin and raises his glass.

His friends mean well, he knows. It’s only been 3 months since he and his ex Sakusa Kiyoomi broke up and, at first, Atsumu seemed out of it even during practices so they tried to give him an intervention. That prompted Atsumu to get his head back in the game, figuratively and literally.

But it’s been 3 months and he still hasn’t properly processed the break-up, so he can’t help himself from remembering a conversation he and Kiyoomi had a week before their first-year anniversary.

Kiyoomi was having a bad week then. His research topics kept getting rejected and his group mates in one class were submitting subpar work to him as their contribution because they knew Kiyoomi was gonna fix it up for them anyway. It frustrated him to no end and Atsumu had been privy to how much Kiyoomi gripped his hair that week. Atsumu even joked that Kiyoomi’s hair might fall off, but he only received a dull stare in response.

It wasn’t the first time that Kiyoomi’s been frustrated over something, but it was the first time that it had gotten to this degree. 

When Kiyoomi arrived home that night and saw a coffee mug stain on his bedside table, which is supposed to never happen because Kiyoomi makes sure to never bring food or drink near his bed but he must have forgotten through all his requirements—

Well, he broke down. He cried long and hard into his hands, and even when he curled up on the floor, his tears were still flowing fast.

Atsumu had been witness to all of it, seated on the bed and trying to calmly and slowly coax Kiyoomi into bed with him. When Kiyoomi finally agreed, Atsumu positioned them so that Kiyoomi was seated between his legs, being hugged from behind.

It helped Kiyoomi calm down. Once his cries turned into small sniffles, he asked Atsumu, “Do you regret it? Dating me?” _Dating me when I’m neurotic like this?_ was left unsaid.

“You could date anyone you want,” Kiyoomi continued pensively, playing with his hands.

Atsumu was peppering small kisses into the crook of Kiyoomi’s neck and he stopped for a moment to respond, “Sure I could. I’m here with you, right?”

It seemed enough at that time.

Right now, out drinking with his friends and teammates, he wants to tell them that he doesn’t want to date anyone but Kiyoomi. In all 18 months of their relationship, Atsumu now wishes he told Kiyoomi that, too.

—

Atsumu stumbles through his apartment door, a man’s arm wrapped around his waist. He’s drunk and he doesn’t remember the guy’s name, but he kisses him as if he does. 

As they’re taking off their shoes, Atsumu bumps into what feels like a box and falls on his butt, laughing a bit and thinking his drunkenness must have gotten the better of him.

The man follows him to the floor, anyway, and it’s only when the light from the window catches onto the box that made Atsumu fall over that he sobers up.

It’s Kiyoomi’s box of disinfectant.

Kiyoomi had insisted on placing it by the door so that he and Atsumu could disinfect their shoes before taking them off.

Atsumu has been trying so hard to forget about the break-up all these months that he forgot Kiyoomi left traces of himself all over his apartment.

Atsumu gently pushes the guy away from him. “Ah, I’m sorry,” he says. “Maybe not tonight.”

It’s a blur of angry words from the other guy then, but Atsumu turns to enter the kitchen and tunes out the man’s noise until the door slams behind him. 

Atsumu moves to get water, his hand faltering when he reaches out to the cabinet and still finds Kiyoomi’s mug. How has he spent the past 3 months just ignoring all these things? Surely he didn’t just keep avoiding his kitchen? Or literally everywhere else in his apartment?

In bed later on, Atsumu pulls out Kiyoomi’s contact name on his phone and types out “Hey Omi-omi'' before he realizes what he’s doing. He quickly deletes the draft message and throws his phone on his table, keeping it away from him.

Atsumu looks around his bedroom then, trying to find if Kiyoomi left any more traces of himself that Atsumu should probably discard, if he has the guts to. Eventually, his eyes land on the drawer where he keeps his underwear. He remembers that’s where he kept a photo of him and Kiyoomi at the amusement park.

Kiyoomi found amusement parks dirty because you won’t know who touched which. There’s too many people and not enough air to breathe in. But Atsumu wanted to go to a newly-opened one in Tokyo and he was only in the city for two more days because then he would have to return to Osaka with his team.

Eventually, Kiyoomi relented. That morning, Atsumu surprised him with a portable toiletries bag. “Did you get that from a hotel? What’s up with that?” Kiyoomi asked, raising an eyebrow.

“These are packets of wet wipes and bottles of sanitizer, Omi-kun!” Atsumu announced, grinning proudly.

Atsumu thought he saw Kiyoomi wipe a tear from his eye as he turned away from Atsumu, saying, “We should leave now.”

“Are ya crying, Omi-kun?” Atsumu teased, moving to kiss Kiyoomi’s neck from behind.

“No, I’m not,” Kiyoomi said and Atsumu just laughed.

At the amusement park, Atsumu wiped down every surface he could find that Kiyoomi would sit on or even just graze. It would hold up the line for rides sometimes, but Atsumu always tried his best to explain to the people around, which made Kiyoomi hide in embarrassment.

On the Ferris wheel, Atsumu had told Kiyoomi, “You don’t need to be embarrassed about it, you know? It’s not your fault you need things clean all the time.”

Kiyoomi didn’t say a word then, just kissed Atsumu on the lips as they reached the top of the wheel. 

They ended that day with a celebratory photo from the photobooth which was, surprisingly, Kiyoomi’s suggestion. “A souvenir from my first time at the amusement park,” he said. “Thank you, Atsumu.”

Atsumu looks at his copy of the photo now, feeling a lump form in his throat. After much cleaning, Kiyoomi had decided to wear a squirrel headband and Atsumu, feeling his heart burst in adoration, had squeezed Kiyoomi into a tight hug, a scene that the camera perfectly immortalized.

It’s an adorable picture, perfect even, but Atsumu only feels something ache in his chest at the memory.

He falls into a fitful sleep with the photo in his hand.

—

Atsumu has been finding it hard to fall asleep without the photo nearby. He starts to carry it inside his hard phone case because it would probably be embarrassing to have other people see it on away games. It’s his ex, right? He’ll look pathetic if anyone finds out.

Right now, they’re in Tokyo again for an interview with a TV host that he can’t remember the name of. 

“You okay, Tsum-Tsum?” Bokuto asks him, clapping his hand on his back as they walk towards the TV network’s building. 

“Course I am, Bokkun,” Atsumu replies, grinning. 

Bokuto quirks an eyebrow at him, which Atsumu thinks is uncharacteristic. “You sure?” he asks, squeezing Atsumu’s shoulder.

Bokuto is one of his best friends, maybe a half-truth won’t be so bad. “Yeah,” he says instead, but the strain on his smile is clear and Bokuto seems to understand, much to Atsumu’s relief.

Atsumu feels like he’s floating, going through the motions of interviews and answers questions that seem all too invasive. Not that Atsumu minds. This is what he signed up for when he decided to go pro. At that point, interviews just feel practiced. They’re easy.

After the interview, Atsumu asks to skip out on karaoke with his team, claiming he’s tired. It’s almost sunset now and Atsumu is grateful his teammates just let him be.

As he heads to the hotel alone, he realizes with a jolt that he’s in Tokyo.

Just a few kilometers away from Kiyoomi’s university.

It takes all of his willpower not to cry in the train right then. 

He remembers the day they broke up so vividly, he wonders again how he’s spent the last 3 months with the memory locked up.

Atsumu had picked up Kiyoomi from school then. It was the day Kiyoomi was giving a research presentation to some big shots in the university. Atsumu couldn’t go because his schedule didn’t match, but Kiyoomi assured him that it was fine, there was gonna be a recording, and that Atsumu could pick him up from school instead. 

It wasn’t enough to quell the doubts in Atsumu’s head, though. Maybe Kiyoomi should date someone who has time for him. Or maybe some other big shot student researcher. What was he, anyway? He was a guy who played a sport for a living. Kiyoomi was real smart and a real academic, and he could date someone on his level. And someone who had the same schedule as him and not Atsumu’s eternally full calendar.

Atsumu wishes he tried hard enough to keep those doubts at bay, but at Kiyoomi’s apartment that night, just as Kiyoomi was scrubbing the bedroom floor like his life depended on it, Atsumu blurted out, “Omi, maybe we need time off.”

Kiyoomi had stopped scrubbing then, turning to look up at Atsumu. “What?” he said, standing up to be face-to-face with him.

Atsumu took a deep breath. “Like I was just thinkin’,” he began. “Like maybe ya could- um, meet other people. Maybe that classmate of yers who did the presentation with ya. Or you know. Somebody.” Atsumu’s voice was small. Somebody _else_ , he meant.

“Are you jealous?”

Atsumu shook his head quickly. “No, no,” he said. “It’s not that at all. ‘m just thinkin’ that… I dunno.” Why couldn’t Atsumu say it?

“Then,” Kiyoomi began. “Are you tired of me?”

In hindsight, Atsumu should have noticed the way Kiyoomi’s voice trembled when he said that.

Atsumu felt a lump in his throat. “Omi, no, I-” he started to say, but Kiyoomi cut him off with “It’s okay, Atsumu. This was a long time coming.”

Kiyoomi sounded so sure. Atsumu was confused. He didn’t understand what was happening. They still ate dinner together that night, but it was only when Atsumu was saying his goodbyes that he realized it would be the last.

—

Atsumu tries to hold in his tears as he gets off the train and goes to their hotel. It’s only when he’s in the darkness of his hotel room that he allows himself large gulps of air as he tries to figure out just how he let Sakusa Kiyoomi slip away from him like that.

He’s reaching for the one thing that has kept him calm these past weeks, reaching for the photo tucked inside his phone case, when a piece of tightly folded paper falls together with the picture.

He crouches down to pick it up and it’s when his hand is an inch away from the paper that he realizes it’s Kiyoomi’s letter from their first anniversary. Atsumu doesn’t remember inserting it there.

Atsumu sits down on his hotel room floor and takes the letter in his palm. It’s a small thing, folded over and over so it would fit inside the phone case. Either he doesn’t remember placing it there or Kiyoomi tucked it in for him.

He takes a breath and opens the letter.

 _Atsumu,_ the first line reads. Atsumu feels like he can’t breathe.

_Happy first anniversary. Honestly, I didn’t expect us to achieve such a milestone, but I suppose your ability to defy odds and carve a path for yourself also brought itself over into our relationship._

_You’ve done a lot for me this past year, Atsumu. You’ve changed a lot of things for me. And I’m not sure if I’ve been able to match that effort, but I hope you know I am trying. I really am. It’s not a perfect relationship by any means, because we’re not perfect people, but when you’re building a house and you’ve set up its foundation, you’ve got to do some maintenance work for it from time to time._

_All those times we’ve fought and then made up, I think they helped strengthen our foundation because we always try our best to fix things._

_I know it must be odd to talk about relationships in such a technical manner, forgive me, but it’s the best way I can convey how I feel._

_I’ll always do my best to make this relationship work, Atsumu, for as long as you’ll let me. I’ll keep being the boyfriend who talks trash with you about the people who annoy you. I’ll keep traveling from Tokyo to Osaka to spend my long holiday breaks with you. I’ll analyze volleyball plays with you and help you practice your serves. And whenever we fight, I’ll always make sure that we resolve it before we sleep, because I don’t want you to sleep upset._

_For as long as you’ll have me. Happy anniversary._

_Omi_

Atsumu’s tears have burst by now, his back hunched and his forehead to his knees as he sobs.

_Why did we break up? What was the point? If we loved each other, why did we let each other leave?_

Atsumu shakes his head at his thoughts. He aggressively wipes away his tears and picks up his phone again. There’s no time to waste.

Kiyoomi picks up on the fifth ring. “Atsumu?” he answers, sounding confused and afraid.

“Omi,” Atsumu breathes out, relieved that Kiyoomi answered. It’s been 3 months since he last heard Kiyoomi’s voice. “Where are ya right now?”

“What do you mean? I’m in Tokyo.”

“Where in Tokyo?”

“Atsumu, why did you call?”

Atsumu’s tears threaten to fall again. “Please,” he whispers into the receiver. “Let me go to ya.”

“Are you crying?”

“Kiyoomi.”

Atsumu hears Kiyoomi’s breath hitch. “I’m at home. M- my apartment,” Kiyoomi finally says.

“Okay,” Atsumu says, standing up, the folded letter inside his palm. “Okay, Omi, please wait for me.”

“Okay.”

Atsumu hangs up and leaves the room. He inserts the letter back into his phone case and tries to look presentable as he walks out of the hotel.

He’s not really sure what he wants to say to Kiyoomi, but Kiyoomi allowing him to come over must be a good sign. Either way, he just wants to see Kiyoomi, even if he might be turned away.

Atsumu arrives at Kiyoomi’s apartment building in record time and is about to knock on his door when Kiyoomi opens it. “Omi!” Atsumu exclaims in surprise. Atsumu wants to think Kiyoomi’s been checking his door constantly for him.

“Atsumu, you’re here,” Kiyoomi says in disbelief. Atsumu is not prepared for the impact he feels upon seeing Kiyoomi’s face for the first time in 3 months.

“I am,” Atsumu says, nearly in tears again. “Omi, I was wrong. When I said we needed time off.” He gets straight to the point, afraid to lose time.

“I- Atsumu, I think I let my insecurities overpower me and,” Kiyoomi says, pausing. “And we didn’t even get to talk about it.”

Atsumu takes a deep breath. “Found yer letter,” he says, reaching into his phone case to show him. “You said we always try our best ta fix things. Omi…” he trails off when he sees that Kiyoomi has started crying. His chest tightens at the sight.

Atsumu’s hand reaches out and his thumb wipes Kiyoomi’s tears. “Omi-kun,” he whispers. “Can I hug you?”

Kiyoomi nods and Atsumu steps forward to gather Kiyoomi into his arms. “Omi-kun,” Atsumu whispers again. “I really don’t want anyone else but you.”

Kiyoomi sniffles, but he nods. “Me too,” he says, burying his face into Atsumu’s neck.

Atsumu slowly walks them backwards into the apartment, Kiyoomi still clinging to him. “Omi,” he says softly. “I need to disinfect for a bit.”

It takes a moment before Kiyoomi detaches himself from Atsumu, but even as Atsumu is going through the protocol, Kiyoomi does not let go of Atsumu’s arm.

Once Atsumu is done, he turns to gather Kiyoomi into his arms again, an action Kiyoomi is all too willing to oblige.

Atsumu kisses away Kiyoomi’s tears before planting a kiss on his lips, one that Kiyoomi returns with more fervor. It chases a laugh out of Atsumu. “Omi-kun, I see ya’ve missed me,” he teases, his hand over Kiyoomi’s nape.

“I did,” Kiyoomi breathes. He makes himself comfortable again with Atsumu’s arms around him. He doesn’t seem to want to let go anytime soon.

Atsumu adjusts himself as he lifts Kiyoomi’s legs around his waist, Kiyoomi yelping at the sudden action. “Atsumu, wha-”

“Let’s talk in yer room,” Atsumu says. Kiyoomi’s body relaxes over Atsumu at that.

Later, after making up for the time lost not kissing and not holding each other, after clearing out their faults and insecurities, their misunderstandings, Kiyoomi turns towards Atsumu, holds his head in his hands, and tells him, firmly, “I love you, Atsumu.”

“Omi-kun, I only want you,” Atsumu says, leaning his forehead against Kiyoomi’s. “I love you, too.” Atsumu leans further forward to take Kiyoomi’s lips in a kiss and, for the first time that night, he feels Kiyoomi smile.

—

**Author's Note:**

> i was listening to Just Another Girl by The Killers one day and i have no idea why but i started crying like i was the one with regrets after breaking up a relationship lmao i had a full on breakdown for whatever reason...
> 
> anyway, so this [twitter thread](https://twitter.com/mytsmu/status/1357396458043973632?s=20) was born, which fuelled this fic.
> 
> i also may or may not have stolen some lines for omi's anniv letter from an irl letter
> 
> this is my first fic (posted) for haikyuu so thank you for reading!! if you liked it, please consider leaving a kudos and/or a comment :D
> 
> socials: [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mytsmu) | [ curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/unsink)


End file.
